Repository path: workshop/translations/hafez-boro/R59-PLAIN-v1/translation.md · rendered 2026-09-09

T-hafez-boro-R59-PLAIN-v1 — Hafez غزل ۳۵ whole, unrhymed

Source: as T-hafez-boro-R59-MONO-v1 — Hafez غزل شمارهٔ ۳۵, Ganjoor /hafez/ghazal/sh35, poem id 2164, seven bayts. Text file: ../source-ganjoor-sh35.txt.

Regime: R59, the PLAIN arm. Binding: L-LINE, identically — one English line per Persian hemistich, source order, nothing merged or moved between lines; no metre clause. Released: the rhyme, at every position. Written second, and not revised toward MONO (R59 §6).

Contamination: none, measured after the freeze — see ../dependence-note.md.

Cost: $0. Lead translation, charter §3 / A4; not ledgered.

The rendering

Go about your own business, preacher — what is this outcry? My heart has fallen from the road; what has befallen you?

That waist of hers, which God created out of nothing, is a fine point no created thing has ever unloosed.

Until her lip bring me to my desire, as it does the reed, the counsel of all the world in my ear is wind.

The beggar of your street has no need of the eight paradises; the captive of your love is free of both the worlds.

Though the drunkenness of love has laid me in ruin, still the ground of my being is, out of that ruin, built up.

Heart, do not moan at the beloved's injustice and violence; for the friend dealt you just this for portion, and this comes out of that justice.

Go, tell no tale and breathe no spell, Hafez; for of this tale and this spell I have much in memory.

Translator's log

Frozen 2026-09-02, before the study limb of this session existed as a written design, and written after MONO was frozen, in the order R59 §6 fixes.

A. What changed, hemistich by hemistich

Only the eight rhyming positions were rewritten; the six unconstrained lines were kept as they stood except where MONO had altered them for the rhyme's sake, which it had not. That is itself the first observation of this log: the rhyme clause changed nothing outside the lines it binds.

B. What the unconstrained arm could not fix

Three losses are not the rhyme's, because they survive into PLAIN unchanged:

1. 4a مستغنی‌ست is free of need still sits at the head of the English line (has no need of the eight paradises), because English will not end a clause on "is without need of" without an inversion this arm has no reason to buy. The Persian's line-final position is unreachable here for reasons of English word order alone.
2. The rhyme itself. PLAIN is not a ghazal. Nothing in it tells a reader that eight line-ends answered each other, which is the form's whole acoustic argument. This arm buys its plainness by giving that up entirely, and no line-level note can stand in for it. internal-judgment-only.
3. دقیقه (2b) is still a fine point, in both arms; the word also means the fine point of a knot, and گشادن (2b's verb) means untying one. Neither arm has an English word doing both jobs, and adding knot would add a referent the Persian word does not carry. Both arms therefore lose the same pun, and the rhyme is not why.

C. The count this log will stand on

Of the eight rhyme-position senses, PLAIN puts seven at or adjacent to the English line's end (1a outcry, 1b befallen, 2b unloosed, 3b wind, 5b built up, 6b justice, 7b memory), against MONO's four at the rhyme word. The one it does not is 4b, where free of both the worlds ends on the object; the sense word sits three from the end in PLAIN and two in MONO, so on that line the two arms are the same and neither is the rhyme's doing. The six unconstrained line-ends are unchanged between the arms.

Written before any instrument was pointed at either arm. It is a claim about placement, not about quality. internal-judgment-only.