Repository path: workshop/translations/christmas-carol-ja/R06-v1/translation.md · rendered 2026-09-09
Page metadata (front matter)
| type | translation |
|---|---|
| id | T-christmas-carol-ja-R06-v1 |
| status | frozen |
| created | 2026-08-16 |
| updated | 2026-08-16 |
| links | workshop/regimes/R06-lead-single-pass.md, wiki/arms/ARM-supplied-footing.md, wiki/base/anchors/A-morita-christmas-carol/A-morita-christmas-carol.md, workshop/experiments/E-20260816d-lexical-channel/design.md, workshop/translations/README.md |
| translated-by | lead |
| contamination | suspected |
『クリスマス・キャロル』三場面 — Dickens 1843, English → Japanese, R06
Source. Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol (1843), Project Gutenberg #46, public domain. Three self-contained spans, 682 English words:
- B-i (Stave One) — the counting-house closes; Scrooge and his clerk over the Christmas holiday.
- B-ii (Stave Three) — the Cratchit house; Martha's arrival, and Bob's return with Tiny Tim.
- B-iii (Stave Three) — Bob's toast to Mr. Scrooge, and his wife's answer.
Regime. R06 — lead single pass, source only, no return pass. Translated 2026-08-16 in one
sitting. Written straight through; where a choice was unresolved at the moment of writing, the
option written stands and the alternative is in the log.
Contamination: suspected, and the basis is exact. No published Japanese rendering of these
three spans was read before this translation and its log were frozen. But 森田草平's 1930s
Japanese of a different scene of the same book — the Stave One scene that this session's main
census is built on — was read earlier the same session, while the material was being located.
So the lead has seen this translator's hand on an adjacent scene of the same work, and could be
primed on his lexical habits. Measured after the freeze; the measurement is in
E-20260816d-lexical-channel/contamination.json and reported on the anchor page. The lead is not
a subject in any primary of E-20260816d — the same exclusion RS-20260815d applied to
T-silver-blaze-ja-R06-v1, and for a stronger reason here.
Why these spans. They carry the dyads the session's main census does not: employer↔employee in both directions, mother↔daughter, children→parents, and — the one this arm most wants — husband and wife disagreeing. English marks none of these in any verb. Japanese cannot decline to.
B-i — 事務所が閉まる
やがて事務所を閉める時刻が来た。スクルージはいかにも不承不承に高椅子から下りて、大桶のような小部屋で待ちかまえていた書記に、その事実を黙ったまま認めてやった。書記はたちまち蝋燭を吹き消して、帽子をかぶった。
「明日は一日まるまる要るのだろうな」とスクルージが言った。
「お差支えございませんようでしたら」
「差支えはある」とスクルージは言った。「その上、不公平だ。それで半クラウン差し引いたら、お前はひどい仕打ちを受けたと思うのだろう。そうではないと言えるか」
書記はかすかに微笑した。
「それでいて」とスクルージは言った、「働きもしない一日分の給金をこちらが払わされるのは、ひどい仕打ちだとは思わんのだ」
書記は、年に一度のことでございますから、と申し立てた。
「十二月の二十五日が来るたびに人の懐へ手を突っ込む口実としては、お粗末なものだ」と、スクルージは外套の釦を顎まで嵌めながら言った。「だが、まあ一日まるごと取らねば済むまいよ。その代り、次の朝はいつもよりうんと早く出て来い」
書記はそう致しますと約束した。スクルージは唸り声をひとつ残して出て行った。事務所は瞬く間に閉ざされ、書記は――外套などというものは持ち合わせていなかったので――白い襟巻の長い端を腰の下までぶら下げたまま、クリスマス・イヴを祝う心持ちで、コーンヒルの氷の滑り道を、子供たちの列の一番後ろについて二十回も滑り、それから力の限り駆けて、目隠し鬼をしにカムデン・タウンの我が家へ帰って行った。
B-ii — マーサが帰る
「まあ、お前たちの大事な父さんは、一体どうしたんだろうね」とクラチット夫人が言った。「それに弟のタイニー・ティムも! 去年のクリスマスには、マーサだってこれより三十分は早かったのに」
「マーサならここよ、母さん」と、そう言いながら姿を現した娘が言った。
「マーサが帰って来たよ、母さん!」と、下の子供たちが二人して叫んだ。「わあい! マーサ、すごい鵞鳥があるんだよ!」
「まあ、よくまあ、お前、ずいぶん遅かったじゃないか!」とクラチット夫人は言って、十度も十二度も娘に接吻し、余計なほどの熱心さで娘のショールと帽子を脱がせてやった。
「昨夜は仕上げの仕事がどっさりあったの」と娘は答えた。「それで今朝は片付けをしなくちゃならなかったのよ、母さん」
「まあいいさ! 来てくれさえすれば文句はないよ」とクラチット夫人は言った。「さあ、火の前へお坐り、暖まるんだよ。ようし、よく来た、よく来た」
「だめだめ! 父さんが帰って来る」と、一度にそこら中にいる二人の子供たちが叫んだ。「隠れて、マーサ、隠れて!」
そこでマーサは隠れた。そこへ小柄なボブが、父親が、入って来た。縁飾りを別にしても三尺はある襟巻を胸に垂らし、季節に恥じないようにと擦り切れた着物を繕っては刷毛をかけたのを着て、タイニー・ティムを肩に乗せている。ああ、タイニー・ティム。あの子は小さな松葉杖をつき、手足を鉄の枠で支えられていたのだ。
「おや、うちのマーサはどうした」と、ボブ・クラチットが見回しながら大声で言った。
「来ないんですよ」とクラチット夫人が言った。
「来ない!」とボブは言った。急に上機嫌が崩れ落ちた。教会からの帰り道じゅう、ティムを乗せた血統馬になって、勢いのついたまま帰って来たのだ。「クリスマスに来ないだって!」
たとえ冗談にせよ、父親の落胆する顔は見ていられなかったので、マーサは押入れの戸の陰から予定より早く出て来て、父の腕の中へ駆け込んだ。その間に下の子供たち二人はタイニー・ティムを急き立てて洗い場へ連れて行った。銅壺の中でプディングの歌っているのを聞かせてやろうというのである。
B-iii — 乾杯
「スクルージさん!」とボブが言った。「この宴の生みの親、スクルージさんに献杯といこう!」
「宴の生みの親だなんて、よくもまあ!」とクラチット夫人は赤くなって叫んだ。「ここへ来ていただきたいものですよ。わたしの言い分をたっぷりご馳走してさしあげます。さぞお口に合うことでしょうよ」
「おい」とボブが言った、「子供たちがいる。クリスマスだぞ」
「ええ、まったくクリスマスででもなければ、スクルージさんみたいな、いやらしい、けちな、石みたいに薄情な人の健康を祝って飲めるものですか」と細君は言った。「あの人がそういう人だってことは、あなたが一番よくご存じじゃありませんか、ロバート! 誰よりもあなたがご存じなんですよ、お気の毒に!」
「おい」というのが、ボブの穏やかな返事だった、「クリスマスだよ」
「あの人のためじゃなく、あなたと今日のために飲みますよ」とクラチット夫人は言った。「あの人のためじゃありません。あの人が長生きしますように! クリスマスおめでとう、新年おめでとう! さぞかし愉快で、お幸せなことでしょうよ、間違いなく!」
Translator's log
Written as the draft was written; frozen with it. Decisions and alternatives, not quality claims.
Any evaluative sentence here carries internal-judgment-only.
The decision this whole span is made of
Japanese cannot write a line of dialogue without placing the speaker relative to the hearer. English can, and Dickens does, almost everywhere here. So at every one of the sites below I had to decide something the source does not say. What I want on the record is not what I chose but what decided it — and for most of these it was not the words.
Per site: what fixed the footing
FIX = something in the utterance's own words fixed it. SUP = nothing in the words did, and I
supplied the level from the relation, the narration, or convention. The classification was made at
the moment of writing, before any comparator was opened and before the study limb existed.
| site | speaker → addressee | English | my level | fixed by |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| V01 | Scrooge → clerk | "You'll want all day to-morrow, I suppose?" | 常体 | SUP — nothing in the words. The relation and "with an ill-will" |
| V02 | clerk → Scrooge | "If quite convenient, sir." | 敬語 | FIX — sir, and the conditional politeness formula |
| V03 | Scrooge → clerk | "It's not convenient…you'd think yourself ill-used" | 常体 + お前 | SUP — bare "you"; I chose お前 from the docking of half-a-crown |
| V04 | Scrooge → clerk | "And yet…you don't think me ill-used" | 常体 | SUP |
| V05 | Scrooge → clerk | "A poor excuse…Be here all the earlier" | 常体 命令形 | FIX in part — the bare imperative Be here is downward in English too |
| V06 | Mrs Cratchit → children | "What has ever got your precious father then?" | 常体 | SUP |
| V07 | Martha → mother | "Here's Martha, mother!" | 常体 | SUP — mother is a vocative, not a grade |
| V08 | children → mother | "Here's Martha, mother!" | 常体 | SUP |
| V09 | children → Martha | "Hurrah! There's such a goose, Martha!" | 常体 | SUP |
| V10 | Mrs Cratchit → Martha | "Why, bless your heart alive, my dear" | 常体 | SUP — my dear is warmth, not direction |
| V11 | Martha → mother | "We'd a deal of work…mother!" | 常体 | SUP |
| V12 | Mrs Cratchit → Martha | "Sit ye down before the fire" | 常体 命令形 | FIX in part — Sit ye down is a downward imperative |
| V13 | children → the room | "No, no! There's father coming." | 常体 | SUP |
| V14 | children → Martha | "Hide, Martha, hide!" | 常体 命令形 | FIX in part — imperative |
| V15 | Bob → the room | "Why, where's our Martha?" | 常体 | SUP |
| V16 | Mrs Cratchit → Bob | "Not coming." | 丁寧 | SUP — two words, and I made her defer |
| V17 | Bob → wife | "Not coming upon Christmas Day!" | 常体 | SUP |
| V18 | Bob → the family | "I'll give you Mr. Scrooge, the Founder of the Feast!" | 常体 | SUP |
| V19 | Mrs Cratchit → Bob | "The Founder of the Feast indeed!…" | 丁寧 | SUP |
| V20 | Bob → wife | "My dear, the children! Christmas Day." | 常体 | SUP — My dear is an endearment, not a grade |
| V21 | Mrs Cratchit → Bob | "You know he is, Robert!…poor fellow!" | 丁寧 + 尊敬語 | SUP |
| V22 | Bob → wife | "My dear, Christmas Day." | 常体 | SUP |
| V23 | Mrs Cratchit → Bob | "I'll drink his health for your sake…" | 丁寧 | SUP |
Count: 4 of 23 sites had anything in the English words that fixed the level, and three of those
four are the same thing — the bare imperative. Exactly one site in the whole span is fixed by a
politeness marker, and it is V02, where the clerk says sir.
The registered form of that count, for the study limb: the lead's FIX set is
{V02, V05, V12, V14} and every other scene-B site is SUP.
The three choices I want held against me
1. V14/V17/V19/V21 — I put Mrs Cratchit into ですます to her husband and left Bob in 常体
to her, and nothing in Dickens told me to. It is the ordinary Japanese convention for a married
couple of that period, and it is also the reading of this marriage that the scene contradicts:
Mrs Cratchit wins this argument. Bob answers her twice with the same four words because he has
nothing else; she is the forceful one; and my Japanese grammatically subordinates her at every turn
while she does it. The alternative I did not write: both in 常体, which makes them equals and loses
the period; or her in 常体 and him in 丁寧, which no reader would take as anything but a joke.
Whatever a translator does at this site is a claim about the Cratchits' marriage that Dickens did
not make.
2. V19 — 「ご存じ」 is worse than ですます, and I wrote it anyway. You know he is, Robert! is
a reproach. I gave it a 尊敬語 verb, which on the coder's scale is the top of the politeness scale,
because 「知っているじゃありませんか」 read to me as too flat for the sentence's heat. So the most
aggressive thing Mrs Cratchit says to her husband is, in my Japanese, the most honorific thing she
says to him. (internal-judgment-only.)
3. V03 — お前. English you here is neutral. お前 is not: it grades the clerk down. I took
it from the half-a-crown and from "picking a man's pocket," which are about money and not about the
clerk's standing. The alternative was 君, which is downward but collegial. I wrote お前 and the
alternative stands recorded.
Two smaller things, not about footing
- 「大桶」 for the Tank — Dickens's word for the clerk's cell. I have taken the tank as a water-butt. It could equally be a cistern or a holding-tank; nothing in the text decides it.
- "Be here all the earlier next morning" — the morning after Christmas Day, i.e. Boxing Day. I wrote 「次の朝」 rather than dating it, because Dickens does not.
- "Martha warn't as late last Christmas Day by half-an-hour" — Mrs Cratchit's non-standard grammar. I have rendered the sense (Martha was half an hour earlier last year) and not the substandard grammar, which R06 gave me no second pass to solve. Recorded as a known loss.
What the log does not do
It makes no claim that any of these renderings is good. Under charter §5 the lead never judges its own translation, and this artifact is excluded from every primary of the experiment designed on it.